Getting a reputation as a ladies’ man

by GK on March 27, 2009 · 2 comments

I may not be a DJ, but I do take requests. If you have a question that you think could benefit lots of readers with an answer, feel free to message me with one. Just don’t abuse it with lots of questions — and no Vanilla Ice, please.

So here’s a good question posed by Beider, and it involves gaining a reputation as a ladies’ man within a small group or favorite bar:

I have found one great pub that I love. Mainly because there is usually around 50% girls (metal chicks) but also due to great music and very friendly people and staff. So far I have been working mainly on getting on good terms with the regulars I see there, I befriended some of the guys and the staff so that when I come there alone I don’t have to do cold approaches at all.

Now comes the problem, if I do hook up with a girl at said bar it is safe to assume that most of the regulars there will get to know it.  Among the guys this is not a problem, but if I gain a reputation for sleeping around among the females I presume it can be very damaging for establishing future relations.

The thing about this place is that it is a niche place, it is a viking / metal pub and as such there are not that many other alternatives to that in this city. Finding the type of women I like elsewhere is hard which is why I would really like to find a balance between managing reputation and picking up women in this pub.

How would you suggest I deal with or minimize a potentially damaging reputation as a ladies man?

Ah yes, I think we all know how hard it is to find a good Viking woman these days (I kid, I kid). But I think you have little to worry about here — if you go about it right, having a reputation as a ladies’ man will be anything but damaging.

First off, I think you’re doing the right thing by becoming a regular where you’re into the scene and have a built-in social network. It’s one of the first things I tell a guy who wants to get in the habit of going out to meet women — go where you have fun. It’s why I love 80s nights so much, and why I frequent my neighborhood wine bar, where I know the staff. I see too many guys in bars who have a look on their face like they’re punching a clock.

Don Draper

But let me set you straight once and for all: being known as a ladies’ man will make you more attractive with most women. If this weren’t true, women wouldn’t have elected Bill Clinton twice, and they wouldn’t have naughty fantasies of Don Draper.  (Hell, men have naughty fantasies of Don Draper.)

I’m not sure where it got started, but many guys harbor a fear of being called out as players and hurting their chances with women — I used to be one of those guys. My theory is because whenever we were smooth with women, they accused us of being players — often they were  just teasing — and we backtracked quicker than a man who steps in doggie doo-doo. “No, no I’m not a player,” we would assure them. And we’d then prove it by dropping the ball with her.

Now, if a woman asks me whether I’m a player — I look like one, so it happens often — I answer the same way: “Yes, I am.” This won’t make her run away, though it might intimidate her, and in time she may even want to change me. But this is solved in the short term by showing justifiable interest in her, and by taking myself off any pedestal she puts me on. (My Transformers collection is great for that.)

But it sounds like you’re far from having that problem, Beider.  So for now, be a heavy-metal rock star with lots of women and friends, and don’t apologize for it — own it. Just avoid these pitfalls in a social circle:

  • Be direct about your intentions with the girls you meet — there’s a difference between being a ladies’ man and a sleazy man, and word travels fast in a small group.
  • Don’t hit on everything that moves. It may not be fair, but the attractive women will notice if you’re hooking up with the not-so-attractive women (I think that’s why Clinton got impeached).
  • If a girl you once dated is in the bar and speaks badly of you in front of another girl, don’t take the bait. Stay classy.
  • Do not brag about being a ladies’ man.
  • If you’re a regular in the bar, avoid restroom sex. Seriously, a girl might invite you in while her fiance is outside. Not that it’s ever happened to me …

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My first number from a girl! « Becoming Charismatic
March 28, 2009 at 7:28 am

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1 Beider March 28, 2009 at 6:35 am

Thanks for answering my question Greg, it is much appreciated. I particularly liked the pointers you added at the end. The part of not going for the less attractive women and avoiding restroom sex I did not even think about before. If a girl had invited me into the restroom I would probably have gone with her, but not anymore (at least not in that bar) 😛

I was there yesterday and made a bunch of new friends once again. I really hit it off with a single girl there, really cute and sadly as I found out really into girls… Ah well, at least she gave me her MSN and said she would give me guitar lessons in exchange for computer tech support.

Every time I go out these days the things I experience never cease to amaze me. Before I hit it off with the lesbian girl I talked with her friend, her friend didn’t really speak English so communication was hard and we didn’t really get anywhere with our conversation.

However as they were leaving, after I had been entertaining two of her female friends for the past hour, she kept looking and smiling at me. I find this extremely strange, I’ve never been good with people before but now both guys and girls will circle around me after I talked with them for a while. A lot of guys have been handing me their numbers as well without me even asking. I think it is absolutely incredible.

Sorry, got a bit sidetracked there, keep up the good work Greg. I will be looking forward to your next post.

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