A lot of guys worry about what to talk about with a woman … hell, I remember the dark ages of my mid-20s, when I would write down conversation topics before a date and keep a cheat sheet in my pocket. Somehow, it didn’t help.
Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
I don’t worry about that anymore. Sure, I’ll hit some occasional dead spots with a girl, but that’s natural, and even something for the two of us to laugh at. (I often tell her about this scene in “Pulp Fiction”). Wayne Elise, my boss, talks a lot about being in the moment, and I’m a big believer in that. Why plot out conversation topics beforehand when you can just look around you?
Case in point: I was on a second date recently that had gotten off to a slow start. Don’t tell her this, but I think it’s partially because I’d been with another girl earlier that day. Sometimes, that sort of thing throws off the chemistry — I forget which inside jokes were with which girl. But I got my date back on track by observing another date with her.
Seated on the other side of our couch was a couple that didn’t seem to be having fun. I don’t read too much into body language, but the girl had her arms crossed almost the entire time. So my girl and I started having our own “Mystery Science Theater” and pretending to know what the two were saying to each other. Call me a vulture, but I used the death of one date to give life to my own, and we had a lot of fun the rest of the night.
I’ve played out similiar exchanges many times. I might play “name that tune” with her based on what the bar is playing, or I might look around at other groups and debate with her about whether they were popular in high school. One time we looked at other women, and if they were wearing high heels, we decided they were looking for men. The list goes on.
I think it’s important to have a personal conversation where we get to know each other — without that we can’t connect. But by focusing on the present, we’re doing things together, which is where adventure is made.
I’ll be sure to add more examples of being in the moment in future posts.
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Great post, GK! This is something I have to pay more attention to. Btw, how to be in the present, but at the same time discuss the “boring facts” like where did I grow up, how many siblings I have, what do I want to do in the future etc. You know, the things that have to be discussed in order to know someone….or are they not relevant after all?
Thanks for the comment, Timid Pimp (love the name)! I DO think the boring stuff matters, because if you can make those topics personal, she will relate to you, thus feeling more comfortable with you. However, at the beginning, I think it’s better to just have fun rather than worry about “deep rapport.” If she’s into you, she’ll start asking questions about that stuff.