My retirement from coaching and refocus on my career is keeping me away from this blog more than I’d like. The myriad students and memories I accumulated are increasingly morphing into a beautiful-yet-faded dream. It’s bittersweet, but I expected it.
My one reminder that all this stuff really happened is the log of success stories from guys I’ve coached and befriended. A recent example is also perhaps the most inspiring, and I’m going to share his story with you.
Robert is a college student from Houston who’s almost 22. He visited me in March for a weekend of coaching (though retired I still coach the occasional guy), and for extraordinary reasons he explains in the following report, it was a challenge getting him to believe in himself while attracting women. But in the months since, he dedicated himself to getting better at it.
Up until a few days ago, Robert had had sex with exactly one woman in his life. Then, he managed to bed two of them in the same night, and do a mighty good job of it. More important, he learned how to turn his limitations into advantages. Here’s the story:
I was encouraged to share my experience because it really marks how much I’ve grown. I attended a bootcamp with my friend GK in March. Now in July, I feel like that experience has paid off as I’ve continued to grow and grow.
Here’s some background on me: I was born with a mild form of cerebral palsy which causes me to walk with a limp. For a long time I’ve lived with limiting beliefs about myself (ie: I’m not attractive to the opposite sex, my limp will hold me back during sex, etc.). I would always mope and complain about it, and use it as a crutch to say why I wouldn’t succeed with women. Speaking of crutches, since I have a limp, I also use a cane to get around, and would always wonder if girls ever saw me as a sexual being. All of these beliefs put the power out of my hands and into theirs.
I’ve learned something that I want to emphatically share:
It’s ALL BULLSHIT. You are in control of your own life.
Another something I learned: A good haircut can go a long way too. I got a haircut the day before all this happened.
Whatever bullshit people say about not smiling in your pictures is a lie. It’s much better to smile than to play the too cool for school look.
Since working with GK, I have been trying out online dating. My logistics have never been the greatest, and with no car living in the suburbs, I turned online to see if I could somehow counteract that. Needless to say, the moral of the story is you don’t need a car at all. But I’ll get to that.
Up to this point, my online dating ventures had been mixed. I had a couple of dates, a lot of numbers, but nothing really clicked. Having started my profile in early March, I was getting a little discouraged by the whole thing.
My mother recently left me in my house by myself while she went on a vacation. So as luck would have it, one of my logistical issues was solved. I quickly took advantage of it and scheduled a date for Thursday (July 15) with a girl from OKCupid. She seemed cute from her pictures, and we had texted a bit of back and forth. I didn’t have a car, but she seemed willing to come by and pick me up. So I ran with it.
Thursday morning, I get a text from her canceling on me — something about having to babysit her sister’s nephew because the babysitter fell through. My mind is in overdrive at this point, making up all sorts of stories about myself and how I am a failure and whatnot.
Somehow I manage to clear my head, get out of bed, and I text another OkCupid potential. Surprise surprise, she’s willing to hang out with me for lunch. 12:30? That’s in four hours! She lives about 45 driving minutes away, so I know that its a HUGE commitment from her.
So I text her my address and just get ready. My plan A didn’t go down, but I guess I can run with plan B.
Lunch happens and we head back to my place. I’m getting nervous again cause she’s about two years older than me and my mind is making up stories about just about every negative outcome. Breathe, Robert. Breathe.
I remember some of my lessons from the past couple months about escalating and just putting forth myself confidently. One of the things I pride myself on is my musical talents and my penchant to enjoy giving massages. So under the preface of showing her how to play a few songs on my guitar, we go back to my room and I proceed to teach her some chords. After a while, I can sense she is kind of restless and getting bored, so I casually mention that she looks a little tense, and that I am decent at massages…
The rest is history. The top comes off, the massage happens, and then fireworks. We end up cuddling afterwards and watching a movie. She’s a really chill girl and I can definitely see myself spending more time with her in the future. Not bad for a first date!
I figure my day is over at this point (she left my place around 5 p.m.), and I’m just chilling at home, pleased with myself.
At midnight, I get a phone call from a friend of mine. She had just finished going on a date with a guy, and she felt bad about it because her boyfriend just broke up with her about a week ago.
She seemed pretty distraught, and being her friend, I offered her my place for the night so she didn’t have to be alone, promising to keep my clothes on and behave myself. She was pretty adamant about NOT sleeping with me over the phone. Wisely, I chose not to argue.
When she came over about ten minutes later (she drove, again I don’t have a car), she was distraught, and I quickly provided the tissues and the ice cream. I could tell she just needed someone to hold and tell her everything would be okay, so I tried to just do what Anthony DeMello talks about, and that is just to show love to her. We went back to my room and I put on a rom-com (When Harry Met Sally) and we just lay in bed (my clothes were on) and watched the film.
Throughout the film, I watched her expression and constantly provided a shoulder for her to lean on. At this point, I know I want to escalate but I have to be delicate and not be an asshole about it. I had promised to keep my clothes on as well, so I wanted to make her think she seduced me instead. So I decided that the power of simple touch would be enough to put an idea in her mind, so under the covers, I just lightly ran my fingers and hand up her upper leg and thigh. She didn’t protest. I decided to just rest my hand on her inner thigh and see how she responded. She had a curious look on her face when I did that, but she didn’t push me away, and my hand stayed there for the last 10-15 minutes of the movie.
As the movie ended, she commented, “You’ve had your hand over there for quite some time, haven’t you?” My response: “Yes, I believe I have.”
I lean in a little closer to her so that our faces are almost touching.
“Any guy who keeps his hand there for so long has to be up to no good,” she whispers into my face.
“Well…I guess I am up…to no good…” I say, pronouncing every word in a slight whisper.
She’s aroused, I can tell. I bide my time and just stare into her eyes, my face half an inch from hers.
“I thought that movie would never end,” she states.
I move in even closer until I can see the texture of her nose. I say, “Why…are you…in such a hurry..?” I brush my nose up against hers, and just stare unblinkingly into her eyes. The tension is palpable.
Then it happens, like we read each other minds. We start making out furiously, my computer cast off to the side, neglected and forgotten. My clothes, once promised to be on, start coming off with alarming speed.
Our sexcapades continued with occasional breaks for meals and cuddling up until 10:30 p.m. THE NEXT DAY. I rock her world (thank you David Shade, Daniel Rose and White Tiger Tantra!!) and she can’t stop coming over and over.
“So, what was that about you not wanting to sleep with me?” I tease her after our second-to-last sex session. She punches me in the shoulder. Those reliable shoulders that she buried her face in. Then she kisses me and we start up again.
What a beautiful day.
The point of this report is hopefully to underscore that anything can happen, even if you don’t plan for it or think its improbable. Don’t make up stories about what you can or can’t do. For example, the whole being sexually unattractive because of a limp, or your glasses for another; that’s a story that I’ve chosen to buy into.
It might be true, and it might not be true. If I can spin a story in a negative way (ie: sexually unattractive due to limp) I can also spin a story about how she is wildly attracted to guys with limps and has an insane fetish about it and wants to fuck the shit out of it. (In fact, that’s what happened when she picked me up. My cane was in pretty bad shape, and she thought it was sexy that it was so rugged-looking.)
I have to avoid putting my own voice into other people’s heads. Every time I do something positive or successful, however big or small, I congratulate myself in the mirror for accomplishing something that I wouldn’t have been able to do the day before. I never in my wildest dreams would imagine having sex for a good 10-11 hours (with some breaks), but it happened.
I didn’t have to run any patterns, game, or plan way in advance. I just had to escalate, be confident during sex, and honestly, be in the right place at the right time. Put yourself in a situation to succeed and just let things come. And I did it all with no car, a limp, and a beat up old cane. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed living it.
PS: I rescheduled with my original date for a new day this coming Wednesday. We’ll see what happens!