Another week, another guest blogger here at Club GK. And unlike Augusta National Golf Club and the Catholic priesthood, we do accept women.
Actually, the writer I’ve invited would probably prefer to be called a girl — that’s one thing I like about her. Her name’s Vivian, and she runs a wit-laden dating blog called Bread and Boys. Two of my favorite things are cheese and girls, and I’m thinking I should buy the domain name while I still can.
Full disclosure: the two of us have starred on each other’s blogs before, but only as subject fodder. I discovered her site last year after she wrote a post justifiably slamming me for pulling a disappearing act after dating her. (I’d blogged about her first.) Looking back, her point is valid: disappearing is not one of Spider-Man’s superpowers.
Anyway, I’m honored to have her here, and I think you’ll enjoy her debut. I know a lot of us late-bloomin’ guys have been conditioned to distrust any girl advice from a girl, namely because a lot of the advice she gave us was vague at best (“Oh, I should be a gentleman? Thanks!’), and misleading at worst (“Buy fancy dinners and flowers? You got it!”). But I think guys who are discovering all the dating and pickup material that men are producing, which is often one size fits all, would be well-advised to consider what Viv has to say. So I’ll just let her say it:
Taking a stroll down guy-aisle, I see books, manuals, and seriously scary self-help gurus struttin’ their wares galore. After reading their promises to: Get the POWER to ATTRACT the relationship you want; How to Meet and Attract Women, Anywhere, Anyplace, Anytime; How To Exploit Her Inner Psycho…you’d think women were crazy, creepy, and scary monsters that need to be poked, prodded, and seduced into your man cave. But it shouldn’t be all about the thrill of the hunt and gettin’ the girl. It’s more about getting the girl who complements your own unique quirky-cool-dashing style.
It shouldn't be monkey-see, monkey-do
I seriously despise the folks that say, “Dating…it’s a numbers game.” Unless you’re a financial wiz, and numbers also happen to get her all hot and bothered, this is NOT cool to say to a girl. However, the ones who believe it’s a numbers game are easy to spot; sarging on anything that moves. That’s like throwing poo on the wall to see if it sticks. Monkeys throw their poop as a defense mechanism and when they’re mad. You will never impress a quality girl by flinging poo. Dating is also not a version of the economic principle of supply and demand, because surrendering yourself to the magic that happens by expressing yourself honestly will actually allow you to say “this is where the MAGIC happens” like those cool kids on MTV.
If you’ve ever been wrapped up in a moment with a great girl, it’s like a stampede of unicorns where impossible feats of abracadabra are born — simply magical. And a good way to increase your percentage of these magical moments is by figuring out if the girl right for you before setting foot on Never Never Land. I’m just saying there’s no use practicing on a girl that you’re not truly into because you’ll be flying on autopilot when the right girl comes along and she’ll hate that you’re acting all fake.
So here’s the truth, from the lips of a seriously cool (average) chick — us girls, we’re not looking for perfection. Every once in a while Hollywood decides to make a movie to tell me that He’s Just Not That Into You. That any boy in possession of all his marbles would inherently KNOW to call the girl when he likes her and then would proceed to chase her down until she’s won over by his sheer awesomeness. But what if I don’t like playing with all the marbles?!? The damaged and broken are much more interesting…awkward and geeky are back in vogue! Do what feels natural, for you. I understand the principles of upping your game and learning the art of conversation, but never forget who you are in the process. If you’re a sweet talkin’ Goodfella, or fist pumpin’ guido — that’s perfectly acceptable. Imperfections are sexy. So rock that dimple you got from falling off the upper bunk bed. Because the right girl will think it’s pretty darned sexy too.
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The advice here is spot on, all of it.
I agree Vivian. Many guys I’ve “sarged” with, used methods “cause INSERT GURU HERE does” or “cause it works for BLAH BLAH BLAH.” They have one dimensional skills frankly and lack even a trace of creativity. For me, dating goes further than numbers cause lets face it, when I die who’ll honestly give a frig how many girls I’ve slept with or what HB number I reached? I’m more concerned with meeting people who match or better my enthusiasm for having a go at life and not taking the punches so seriously. In fact, as I daygame solely I have to say women respect me more for being direct and unapologetic for expressing my interest. Sure I have set backs in terms of losing the courage to just go for it or coming across nervous but that’s ok. Being vulnerable and exceptionately honest with someone is never easy but women respect me for it. Well, the one’s worth my time do anyway!