Sex – GK Shares Game An ex-social coach's tips and thoughts on women (and other guy stuff) Tue, 26 Nov 2013 06:44:24 +0000 en-US hourly 1 It’s the end of the dating world as we know it (the postscript) Sat, 26 Jan 2013 23:56:23 +0000

Amid all my grandstanding in my two-part post on false dating narratives (Part I is here and Part II is here), I left out some facts that are worth mentioning. So here they are:

1. As Inigo Montoya might say, I don’t think the word “hookup” means what people think it means. The massive college student survey taken by Paula England found that only 40 percent of hookups involved sexual intercourse. Fifteen percent involved hand stimulation, and another 32 percent only involved kissing and non-genital touching.

According to those definitions, I hooked up in college more than I realized! Which is to say, with one girl.

2. It’s taken for granted that men want casual sex more than women, but Terri Conley’s data does much to question that. The dividing line came down to this common-sense question: how likely is the woman to have an orgasm?

People have repeatedly cited the 1989 study in which 70 percent of men agreed to a female stranger’s offer for sex, where 0 percent of the women accepted the same offer from a man. But Conley’s studies found some variables that were being ignored:

Gender differences in acceptance of heterosexual casual-sex proposals evaporated when participants considered sexual offers from very attractive or very unattractive famous individuals. Likewise, women and men were equally likely to accept offers of casual sex from close friends whom they perceived to have high sexual capabilities (i.e., whom they thought would “be a great lover” and would provide them with “a positive sexual experience”).

Across multiple studies, perceived sexual capabilities of sexual proposers most strongly predicted acceptance of casual-sex offers among both women and men. … women accepted fewer casual-sex offers from men than vice versa because male proposers were perceived to have relatively poorer sexual capabilities.”

I’ve seen this play out in real life, and it makes a lot of sense: why would a woman sleep with a stranger when he’s guaranteed to climax and she probably won’t? Yet for whatever reason, the lasting narrative in our culture is one of sexually reluctant women who just want sex when it can lead to love.

Men get used for sex all the time — sometimes even when we don’t want to be. The truth about that is only starting to get noticed.

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How to unhook a woman’s bra with one hand (guest post) Tue, 26 Jun 2012 07:36:00 +0000

I’ve allowed women in my dating past to write for you before — or even team up with me for a jam session. But never have I allowed a woman I’m currently dating to disrobe in front of you.

That changes today, and what better time for a first time? This week, your friendly neighborhood GK celebrates the 10-year anniversary of his lost virginity. Aside from having to wash my sheets a lot more, the ensuing decade has been a mighty improvement over the previous 25 years.

Appropriately, we will celebrate by going back to bedroom basics. I’m passing the mic to my accomplice tFox, who earned the nickname by being, well, a tiny fox. Though after these photos, she might henceforth be known as Girl with the Dragonfly Tattoo.

For those who would like to get better at removing a woman’s bra with one hand, tFox offers two simple ways (I happen to prefer the first). And away we go:

It’s much more fun to have your clothes taken off you than to do it yourself, so don’t kid yourselves, gentlemen: this one’s as much for us ladies as it is for you.

Like you, women want to keep those makeout sessions moving, and there’s nothing quite like the guy who can slide his hand up your back — lips still locked — and pop your bra off before you even know where he’s headed. Mmmm.

Besides the immediate benefit of being bra-less with a boy, it also signals to us that you’re probably gonna have some game in other areas too, and just the thought of that is hot.

Don’t worry, you’re not raising the bar on yourself so much as setting the tone. I know that a guy who can get my bra off smoothly took the time to learn to do it, which tells me he pays attention. That makes me want to play my cards right, so he’ll spend some of that attention on me.

So with the help of two of my girlfriends extraordinaire, (Hot Face behind the camera and Lolo in front with me) we’ve put together a step-by-step tutorial on two different techniques. Look ‘em over and pick the one you think will be easiest for you.

The Principles

Most bras use an eye-and-hook clasp, with usually two, three or four hooks. When it’s on, the hooks will be on her right, the loops on her left. The hooks latch into only one set of loops, so each technique revolves around releasing the tension (ahem), sliding the hooks out of the loops and then letting go. They’re designed to be quick, so once you’ve got it down, it should only take you a second or two.

Technique One: The Pinch

This technique is less complicated in execution than the Flip, but you have to make sure you’re just pinching the strap, and not your girl. Extra bonus: with a little practice, you can do this one through her shirt.

Step One

Put your thumb and pointer finger on either side of the clasp. You can also use your middle finger, and may have to if the bra has a wide strap with more than two hooks.




Step Two

Pinch the material together so the hooks aren’t pulling on the loops (releasing the tension!). Try to make sure your fingertips are each placed right over the hooks and loops on either side.





Step Three:

Rub your fingers together to pop the hooks out of the loops. You should be able to feel them slide out with a little pop or click. That’s it!





Technique Two: The Flip

This is how I take my bra off. The mechanics are trickier, but once mastered are incredibly reliable. It’s a good one for when you’re on top of a speeding train and need the extra stability.

Step One

Slip your pointer finger under her strap, from above.


Step Two 

Slide your finger to her left, so it goes between the extra strap material that is normally just tucked underneath and the strap itself.





Step Three

Use your index finger and thumb to hold the loop half of the strap, and put your middle finger on the outside of the hook half.

Then, use your middle finger to hold the hook side of the strap in place as you push the loops out from the hooks with your thumb and index finger. (We couldn’t figure out how to shoot that part in a way that would be helpful, but once your fingers are in the right place it’ll be intuitive, don’t worry.)

Success! (GK, in a fit of jealous rage, cruelly censored the unhooked photo. Use your imagination, fellas.)

Study the technique you like best, then ask the next girl you make out with to let you give it a whirl. Maybe even practice a few times with her. Trust me, she’ll think it’s sweet, and nothing beats hands-on (oh yes) experience.

Here’s one sexy song you can play with her:


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The Merits of the Slumpbuster Wed, 21 Dec 2011 08:09:03 +0000

This topic was born in the comments section of my post on breaking it off with women, and I thought it deserved its own mention.

The question comes from Barry, who asks whether I think it’s worthwhile to bed a “slumpbuster” when in a dry spell, as I suggest in one of my earliest posts. Like before, I attested to the slumpbuster’s magical powers. His response:

Can I ask why? No disrespect meant, but am I not giving into frustration by doing so? I agree it gets you back in the zone or so, but maybe rediscovering where I went right or wrong in previous attempts could be more productive. I don’t mean to be an ass (which I am being) but I guess I feel by doing so-considering a slumpbuster-I’m admitting defeat!

slumpbusterI’m glad you raised the question, Barry. And lest anyone think I’m suggesting an all-out raid of a cankle convention, please allow me to clarify.

I had a meaningful conversation about this subject in a podcast with dR, back when we were with Charisma Arts. You’ll see me repeat some of what he said here.

The term “slumpbuster” — an unattractive woman used to end a dry spell — was popularized by a former baseball player named Mark Grace  (I have like 25 of his rookie cards from 1989). And it’s appropriate that he did it. Nobody knows the pain of a slump like a ballplayer.

It’s the perfect analogy, really. When an athlete slumps, he starts trying too hard. What once seemed easy now seems difficult because of a few bad breaks, and he’s created such a negative self-fulfilling prophecy that he plays scared or withdraws entirely.

This condition is otherwise known as Fourth Quarter LeBron-itis.

However, one cheap infield hit or easy layup can restore an athlete’s confidence and get him rolling again. Success in many walks of life comes in streaks, and this can be no less true with sex and dating. Many a man in a serious relationship, acting much more indifferently around women, has wondered why NOW they decide to throw themselves at him.

And lots of guys, including myself, have found that once a dry spell had ended and the smell of trying too hard had been removed, getting hotter women became a lot easier. I know you’re concerned with learning from mistakes, Barry, but there’s no need to punish yourself while you learn. And often, especially for experienced guys, dry spells are more about luck than skill.

Now, am I suggesting you grab the nearest disgusting, annoying beast of a girl? Of course not! By slumpbuster, I’m talking someone who’s a notch or two below the caliber of woman you’d normally consider attractive. I hate using numbers with women, but if you normally hook up with sevens, this means hooking up with a five.

She should at least have SOME attractive quality, whether it’s her eyes or her encyclopedic knowledge of American presidents (if that turns you on). If you need a double-shot of Viagra just to seal the deal, it defeats the purpose of busting a slump. You’re liable to believe your slump is unchanged.

Otherwise, I see no reason to admit defeat. One beer-soaked dalliance with a less-attractive woman doesn’t mean anything in the big picture. (That said, if you’re going to find a slumpbuster and you’re concerned about your reputation, do it away from your usual hangouts. Because women will judge you by the caliber of girl you hook up with.)

There are limits to the Slumpbuster Rules. Do not return to her or seek out another less-attractive girl, because that can lead to settling. You’ll have removed that sexual urgency, so use that opportunity to meet the kind of girls you normally go for.

In the meantime, here’s a little ditty to inspire you:

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