Don’t be her shoulder to cry on

by GK on September 15, 2009 · 8 comments

My apologies for the long gap between entries. I’m close to finishing a screenplay I started two years ago, and I’m giving it most of my writing time. So I might be posting here less than usual for the time being, but don’t fret. GK’s still got your back.

On to today’s topic.  Even we instructors admit to making mistakes in the heat of the moment — at least those of us who aren’t deluded. And last weekend I goofed up in a way I hadn’t in a long time.

Follow Justin's example

In my Dark Ages, when women would put themselves down or complain about their problems in front of me, I’d make the mistake of reassuring them they were attractive or trying to play counselor. Funny, but I never hooked up with any of these girls, and I sure didn’t have fun this way, either. God bless ’em, but women do go fishing for compliments sometimes.

Nowadays, I’ll either agree with her self-flagellation (Her: “My hair looks like crap!” Me: “Yup, I have to say it does”), or I’ll give her a one-sentence reassurance (“I’m sure you’ll find a great guy”) and change the subject.  

I forgot to do that recently, though it wasn’t with a woman I was interested in. While at the bar alone I met a couple of women — an attractive-looking chef (a chef! I love food) who interested me, and her female friend. The friend was playing cupid and had already invited me to a dinner party where both of them would be, and as I enjoy making allies, I took some time to get to know her.

I was having fun with that because she was talkative and shared my naughty humor, but then she started beating herself up for being single and not being attractive enough. Rather than follow my own advice, I kept reassuring her, and the more I did it, the more she continued. Then she asked me if I found her pretty, and perhaps at my wit’s end, I blurted out a compliment that offended her. I won’t say what I called her here, but it starts with an “F” and ends in “-able.” So use your deductive reasoning. (Hey, I’d be flattered if a woman called me that, but that’s why men and women are different.)

Anyway, I reluctantly apologized for it, and the party is still on. But it was a good reminder of this: When getting to know people, be the fun guy, not the emotional tampon.


1 Beider September 15, 2009 at 3:03 am

I very much agree with this and as you say at the end;

When getting to know people, be the fun guy, not the emotional tampon.

This really goes for guys and girls. I had some new male acquaintances that tried to dump all their problems on me as well, these days I just won’t stand for it. Particularly if we are out at a bar together, I don’t go to bars to listen to other peoples problems, I go there to have fun.

I never tried agreeing with them as you say, I usually just dismiss it with a “I’m sure you will figure it out” and change the subject. If they keep bringing it up I will just leave and find someone else to talk with.

2 Casual September 15, 2009 at 7:24 pm

Way to drop that SOI on her! Thanks for that bit of schadenfreude!

3 GK September 15, 2009 at 8:51 pm

Heh heh, that’s not the kind of SOI my boss would teach. :) It’s more like an SOP — statement of pacification.

4 Andi September 24, 2009 at 2:26 am

i like that one

i never knew what to say if a women said. “oh i am way to fat”!
me: “nooo you are not that fat…!! for sure!” .. = lame
okay she was to fat 😀

i recently discoverd your blog.
i like it. you are good, i think

5 Joakim January 28, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Hey man!
Don’t know if you’ll check out this comment, as I’m about five moths late with it, but I wanted to ask you how you react to these situations if you disagree with her.
If she tells you that she think she’s fat, and all you really think is that she has some nice curves.
I’ve might have answered my own question there, but thanks for a great blog! Keep up the good work!

6 GK January 29, 2010 at 12:57 am

Thanks for reading, Joakim! Normally I’m all for letting a woman know I think she’s attractive, but this is not the time. If anything I would just ignore her “fat” comment and change the subject, then tell her what I think of her body later. Women are fishing for compliments in that situation, so it doesn’t come off as sincere.

7 Joakim January 31, 2010 at 11:42 am

That sounds logical to me! Thanks for the answer!

8 Brenda October 11, 2014 at 1:56 am

Believe it or not this happens to females a lot as well, he’ll cry for the cheaters and one’s that took his money, and crap all over the one that was there for him.

I honestly felt like more of the man in that friendship.

Note: I haven’t bothered to even date in well – years, just works that was for me too every single one that rejected me comes to me for a cry about the current one and now it’s really old I cant take it personally anymore some people are severely attracted to whatever is not going to be there -or- matured.

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