Flipping your energy switch when socializing

by GK on August 1, 2009 · 5 comments

Before I get around to my club survival guide, I wanted to tackle one crucial aspect of conquering clubs — and for socializing anywhere else: good energy.

I’m not talking about any mystical force that surrounds us and binds us — let Yoda have that. I’m talking about good ol’ tangible energy — the kind Winnie the Pooh has lots of and Eeyore lacks.  One big common denominator that separates my good interactions with women from my bad ones — even more than the conversation topic — is how much fun I’m having in that moment. It’s the reason I often don’t need to hear a student’s conversation with a girl — if he looks like he’s enjoying himself, it’s probably going well.

I think it’s important to project a fun vibe whenever socializing — unless you’re picking up women at funerals — but at clubs the importance is magnified. Have you ever tried quietly shaking hands with a foursome of bachelorette-party girls shaking their tails to “Get Low”? If so, you may get my drift. 

One skill I’ve honed in recent years is how to flip the switch — going from my usual low-key self to a whirling dervish when I’m in a higher-energy environment. And here’s a stunner: it’s not with Red Bull and vodka (OK, maybe when I’m in Vegas). I’m really just allowing my fun side to show.

Here are some tips you might try to flip your switch:

Get your energy up before you head out: I’m an extreme case when it comes to this. My fellow CA instructors got a good idea of my pre-partying routine when we were sharing a hotel room in Austin last year. I was singing in the shower to Cristina Aguilera, then pacing the room as I listened to Iron Maiden’s “The Trooper” on my iPod. But considering I never made it back to the hotel until after breakfast, let’s just say my quirky routine worked well that night.

When I was apprenticing with CA, my friend and I would do the robot dance to Daft Punk at his place before a night out. For you, a simpler routine might help: perhaps good sleep and diet, and some exercise. Maybe a funny movie or playing the guitar. But think about a time when you have had good energy, and figure out how you got there.

Hang out with energetic people: I can resemble a sponge in that I absorb what is around me. If the people I’m with are having fun and putting out good energy, that’s likely to rub off on me. If you’re going out alone, look for some fun people — a store employee, a bartender, the DJ — and talk to them.

Talk to people quickly: Inertia is a killer. If I’ve been standing around in a bar quietly, it’s going to increase my anxieties and sap whatever energy I had entering the place. On the other hand, if I build some social momentum right away, I find I’m much more eager to approach people as the night goes on. Call it Snowball Theory — I’ve repeatedly seen other low-energy guys get in a social mood simply by being social.

I usually don’t go out alone, but when I do, I might start by going up to a couple — they’re often bored and love the attention — and make friends with them before excusing myself to flirt with some girls. It gives me an instant cheering section that I can always return to. And it doesn’t hurt that other people are seeing me being social before I approach them.

Have a drink: Seriously! I think drinking at night gets undeservingly frowned upon by people who are into this game. I know my limits, and I think it’s dangerous to look to alcohol as liquid courage, but one or two drinks do help me to relax.

Go where you like the scene: This sounds simple enough, but I think some guys look for “pickup” places that don’t necessarily fit their personalities. If I’m going to a high-energy place, it’s imperative that I like the venue, the crowd and the music. I’m no professional dancer, but when I start hearing 80s music or certain other dance music, I can’t help but shake my hips and find someone to dance with.

I’ve got a private instruction tonight, so if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to start head-banging. Here’s a fun song that might help you flip the switch at night:

Queen — Don’t Stop Me Now

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Energy Level | PUA Lingo
August 1, 2009 at 8:01 pm

{ 4 comments }

1 Andrew August 2, 2009 at 5:04 am

Another poignant post GK.

This topic is massive … took me a long time to understand that this is key. First things first.

Energy/Good mood first … Seduction “techniques” second.

I’ve had to take a long hard look at this in my personal life at what was holding back especially the big picture and have made some basic changes.

I changed where I live, how much tv I watch, how much time I spend on the internet (I find this is a major mood sapper for some weird reason – too much in my head I suppose), my diet, my exercise & sleep routine and bought an Ipod to listen to inspiring music/podcasts etc.

Vibe!

2 johnny August 2, 2009 at 9:18 am

please steal that jagermeister sign and send it to me! I’ll pay the shipping.

3 Beider August 3, 2009 at 12:21 am

I’ve been focusing a lot on this lately, getting in the correct state has been tricky for me. I recently met a guy who is really good at club game, it has been his main focus for the past four years. He talked to me about state and how he got in state and I tried to emulate what he did, all he needed to do to get in state was clap his and and yell something, and voila he was all energy bouncing up and down, hanging from lampposts while talking to girls, etc… Also most of the guys I read about that were good at club game seemed to be the dance floor kings who have more energy than the duracell bunny.

Of course trying to copy this really didn’t work for me, not only don’t I have that kind of energy currently but it doesn’t fit with my personality. It took me a little while to realize that when I am in state I am not that guy who runs around jumping and screaming. Instead I move around quietly while constantly giggling about whatever happens around me and whenever I am in this mood I almost always get a good response from girls (and guys). This is the same state I am in when I am drunk or when playing around with good friends, I constantly amuse myself and the girls get pulled into it and start to giggle as well.

At least my view after this self discovery is that everyone got a different kind of state/energy that they put out when they are “in the zone” (or whatever you call it). Trying to emulate others only set me up for failure, instead trying to copy what I did when I had fun with friends/my drunk fun mood worked like a charm.

Currently I am working on being able to bring this side out whenever I want, my current routine when I go out is to just put on some music I really like and then lip synch to it and move a bit with the music (I also do this on the subway, so get a lot of weird looks there). Another thing I found working is just changing my body language, adding that little bounce in my step and putting a smile on my face. If I am in a bad mood or low energy but start smiling and walking with a small bounce eventually my mood and energy picks up.

4 Dirk Diggler January 18, 2011 at 9:55 am

A cup of coffee or energy drink MAY help, but understand that you will crash before the end of the night.

I recently had this problem just last Friday, i didn’t understand it at first. gym three times a week. i had plenty of sleep, so what gives?

well from my memory I am not big on coffee. I will have one at my job when lets say, I don’t get enough sleep 😉

This Friday i enjoyed a fresh pot to start the day. unfortunately i made plans with my friend to go to an exclusive club in Manhattan and realized when i had gotten there; i was tired. I would approach with low energy and got blown out about a dozen sets while to DJ kept bumping the tracks.

It was this experience that made me want to inform all PUA’s that a Caffeine crash can really hurt your game. therefor a better solution would be…

Get to the gym 3x a week, eat whole grain foods and nuts, and for goodness sake get more that 8 hours of sleep on a very comfortable bed. If your bed is waking you up in the middle of the night, invest in a new mattress. not only will you be comfortable in it at night…so will she 😉

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