I’ve wagged my tongue for many years about the importance of knowing logistics when meeting women. Big Four and all that. And for good reason: it’s the difference between driving sober and driving blindfolded, high on mushrooms.
But there’s a caveat to this: you’re better off taking those mushrooms if the girl’s not interested in you, because logistics won’t matter then. And conversely, if she does like you, she can help you navigate even the rockiest terrain.
When my Philadelphia buddy SW told me about how he ended up with his girlfriend, even though she was knee deep in med school and had even told him she was too busy to see him, I thought it would provide a helpful example of this. And it’s just a cute story. So here you go:
I should start by saying the adage, “you always find what you’re looking for when you’re not looking for it.” It rings so true here.
When I went to the biergarten back in May, it was not to seek out girls. I was coming out of my first week at a new apartment and exhausted after the big move. I was also preparing to go on a two-week trip abroad to Spain.
I did enjoy the biergarten, though; it was a nice departure from moving. I went there with my friend B because one of his friends was celebrating graduation. He and I went for a walk around, which ended up lasting 30 seconds because this girl at a table caught my attention immediately, with her animated storytelling and her … dress she had on. So I sat down next to her and introduced myself, and B followed suit and sat across from me to talk to her friends.
D, as we’ll call her, was with 10 med student friends, celebrating the completion of their second year of med school. Little did I know, thanks to the liter pitchers they serve, that D told me (half jokingly, half serious) not to contact her for six weeks because she was to begin studying for her Boards, and the exam was six weeks away. Maybe then we could try something. But of course, I “inebriatedly ignored” that fact and called her two days later.
With a little luck, she answered and we set up a date for the following Friday when she had a little free time. I had to be a little persistent as she said she had to study couldn’t be out late. We had our first date that Friday, and we hit it off the moment we reacquainted ourselves.
The Jerry McGuire quote of “You had me at hello” rang true here for me, because she was more beautiful standing in front of me than I could have ever imagined before at the biergarten. We sat down at the bar for a beer at a nice little place she suggested, and were laughing and leaning in towards each other.
Within the first hour, I decided to say what I never say in the middle of the date unless it’s positively going perfectly: “I am having a wonderful time and really want to kiss you right now.” Her answer laid the groundwork for our relationship: “I’ve been waiting 25 minutes for you to say that.”
We went on to continue the date for another two hours. I even invited her back to my place to have a final beer and show her the place I so proudly just moved into. After we parted I said a little coyly, “Weren’t you supposed to be not out late?” And she said, “Yeah well, I said that before I decided I liked you. That was my out in case things didn’t go well … sorry!” She laughed and I actually laughed too.
And ever since, she’s been ready for everything I’ve set the pace to do. The next few dates, we had each other over for dinner so we could show how much we enjoyed cooking. The physical attraction and intellectual attraction were very high in our case, mutually. It was hard to not go too fast, but I was better at it now than I used to be and knew that this was the only way it was going anywhere.
I knew she was interested too, because her med school friends were saying, “WHAT, you two met and BEGAN dating? … during boards?” They all said it like it was the most unheard-of thing. But each time, we’d just look at each other and laugh and shrug.
That all made me feel pretty good about myself, and it showed me how much I meant to her as well. It wasn’t difficult for me to win her affection, thanks to our chemistry from the beginning. And in all honesty, she could be doing or wearing the most mundane thing and I’d be turned on by her. It’s all about chemistry. If it’s not there, it’s not there. I’ve tried to create it in the past, and you just can’t.
Anyway, the boards were present throughout our early dating. We’d text usually once every day (or two) in the beginning and it would increase with time as we got more interested in each other. But the logistics became more and more challenging as time went on. If you’ve never read this, there’s a guide for people like me on “How To Date A Med Student” and it is dead-on accurate. She actually was the one to show it to me, as a joking “I warned you” precursor to future dating. But as I always tell her, in the words of Barney Stinson, “challenge accepted.”
I would consciously think about being in her shoes, and when the best times to contact her would be, when we would be better able to meet up (later in the evening always worked better, since she had long hours of studying, and I learned this through time and just asking). I’m a pretty laid-back and go-with-the-flow kind of guy, and that’s how you have to be to date someone in med school. I think they should put that in their guide.
Being understanding of a busy significant other can go a long way. She will appreciate that about you to no end. I even helped her study a little bit. It baffled me how there was this girl who was the busiest girl I’d ever met, and here she was going out of her way to find and make time for me, in a way that was more genuine than any other girl had before. That was a real thing for me, and I reciprocated that feeling every chance I could. And it was ultimately what led us to become official.
Was this a tricky navigation of two different paths in life trying to become parallel? Sure. But what I’ve found after dating as many women as I have over the past few years, is that it’s not the easy ones that tend to stick around. It’s the challenging ones. Because they’re smart enough to see what they really have in front of them, and want to work at it as much as they see you doing the same.