Blogging inspiration can come to me from strange places, and this week it came to me from a girl I dated earlier this year. I’d mentioned a date with her in my post about being in the moment, and although I think she’s good people, I stopped calling her after three dates.
So I just found out she has a dating blog (it’s a popular subject in the Bay Area), and she recently devoted a post to going out with a dating coach – namely me. Talk about the tables being turned! I thought it was hilarious and had to share it with friends, but it’s also a bit weird being the subject of someone else’s “field report.” I only write about my experiences with women to educate and to show that I practice what I preach, but I am sensitive to what she might think if she read about it. So I try to be nice.
She was nice, too, but she didn’t like the way I cut off contact with her without telling her it was over, and I can understand why. I’ve been on the other end of the chopping block, and it’s easy to over-analyze with questions like, “Was it something I said?” or “Did I have broccoli stuck in my teeth?” Or maybe the person agrees it should end but doesn’t want to wonder.
Just a friend? FRIEND?
I’m sure there are guys who find themselves facing the question of how to break things off with a woman, so I thought I’d delve into that now. Mind you, this is for girls you’ve been dating a few times, not a serious girlfriend.
The best way to decide, in my opinion, is to adopt the “do-unto-others” policy. Like many guys reading this blog, I’ve been on the receiving end of the “Let’s Just Be Friends” talk, and we hate it so much, we turned it into a pickup acronym that can be used as a verb. In turn, I’m reluctant to drop the “friends” bomb on a woman — in part because I find it disingenuous. The chances of us actually becoming friends after dating are slimmer than my beloved Denver Broncos’ chances of winning the Super Bowl this year.
I’d rather she simply not respond to my calls a couple of times, at which point I’ll get the picture and move on. So in most cases, this is what I do as well. This way may be a little cold, but dating is like a summer day in San Francisco — it can start out warm but cool off quickly. It’s also more honest than using some cliche like, “I’m really busy right now.”
There are variables to this, of course. Such as whether we’ve dated more than just a few times, connected a lot emotionally, have had sex, or are likely to see each other around because we share the same circles. Or maybe I really do want to be friends — it has happened. But unless more than one of these apply, I’d rather cut off contact to avoid any further headaches and awkwardness.
For instance, a friend of mine recently tried telling a couple of women that he was no longer interested, only to have them protest and try to change his mind. One of them was briefly stalking him (yes, it happens to men, too), and he was fueling it by trying to be nice and responding to her. So sometimes it pays to be the jerk.
Now, if you’d rather a girl quickly tell you it’s over and then not speak to you again, then go ahead and do that with her. Just keep it short. And if you’re going to be mean, make sure she doesn’t have a blog.
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What a strange turn of events. At least she included a link to your site– good bit of marketing there.