Is pickup dead? Never!

by GK on April 1, 2010 · 2 comments

With the relative Armageddon surrounding Charisma Arts, I’ve noticed some people declaring this whole “pickup” thing dead. I’ve been doing some musing on the topic.

Guys just aren’t going to pay $1,500 or more to learn how to meet girls in this economy, they say, and the whole culture of peacocking clothes, “alpha” body posture and opening lines is outdated anyway. Mystery is more of a punch line than a role model to many folks, the message boards where guys share conquests and techniques are drying up, and all the so-called secrets of seduction — sold unscrupulously for thousands of dollars as DVDs — are common knowledge now.

I agree with just about all this. The teaching material I discovered as a frustrated virgin eight years ago is the Myspace to a Twitter culture. Only the true newbies are still into palm-reading or reciting cocky lines, and even CA teachings such as relate-reward and disqualification seem overrated to me now (though at least they’re useful social skills).  

The idea of having any girl you want by practicing the right maneuver on her is increasingly seen as an unhealthy fallacy, as it should be. If I were to write a book on how to attract women, I would struggle to make it even 10 pages long, because there isn’t much to say other than “be yourself” and “lead.”

Perhaps the “Community” aspect of this whole thing, with its techniques, tricks and field reports, is receding. And I’m glad about that. But I don’t see it evaporating, either. I may be retired, but bootcamp coaches still abound — especially here in the Bay Area — our local Lair still packs in wannabe pickup artists, and Mystery and Wayne (along with some newer pickup stars) can sell out a seminar in any major city. And plenty of people who aren’t plugged into that nerdier, less-mainstream side of things want to know more about attraction.

And that’s cool with me, too. Because the idea of picking up the opposite sex (or same sex) was around long before the lingo was invented, and it’s not going anywhere. Jeez, cavemen were literally picking up chicks. And with plenty of single-parent children like me out there, someone’s got to tell it like it is. Even the shadier likes of Mystery and DeAngelo have taught me something valuable.

So easy, a caveman could do it.

 Where I hope this all leads, and I see it already happening, is to a more organic place. Where pickup is less a skill than a natural state of being, and people are tailoring the technique to the person rather than the other way around. Over the course of my instructor days, I became less interested in teaching a method, and more interested in just teaching a guy what he had to know to be happy. To express one’s unique self with honesty and passion is a hell of a lot more attractive than being alpha. This I have learned, and this I would teach.

But “pickup” dying? I don’t think so. There’s a reason why Cosmo Kramer called it “the timeless art of seduction.” As long as men and women yearn to connect with each other, or simply bed each other, we’re going to talk about it, learn about it and practice it. A co-worker of mine in another job, who is a middle-aged woman, recently told me the story of how she met her husband of 15 years on a cross-country flight. She got the conversation started by asking him what he was reading, and they had a date set by the time they landed.

Now that’s how you pick up someone.


1 Matt April 1, 2010 at 7:21 pm

Now I’m expecting a big “APRIL FOOLS! I’m actually quitting, because pickup IS dead.”

2 GK April 1, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Nice one, Matt. :) But it’s no joke in this case.

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