It’s the end of the dating world as we know it (the postscript)

by GK on January 26, 2013 · 3 comments

Amid all my grandstanding in my two-part post on false dating narratives (Part I is here and Part II is here), I left out some facts that are worth mentioning. So here they are:

1. As Inigo Montoya might say, I don’t think the word “hookup” means what people think it means. The massive college student survey taken by Paula England found that only 40 percent of hookups involved sexual intercourse. Fifteen percent involved hand stimulation, and another 32 percent only involved kissing and non-genital touching.

According to those definitions, I hooked up in college more than I realized! Which is to say, with one girl.

2. It’s taken for granted that men want casual sex more than women, but Terri Conley’s data does much to question that. The dividing line came down to this common-sense question: how likely is the woman to have an orgasm?

People have repeatedly cited the 1989 study in which 70 percent of men agreed to a female stranger’s offer for sex, where 0 percent of the women accepted the same offer from a man. But Conley’s studies found some variables that were being ignored:

Gender differences in acceptance of heterosexual casual-sex proposals evaporated when participants considered sexual offers from very attractive or very unattractive famous individuals. Likewise, women and men were equally likely to accept offers of casual sex from close friends whom they perceived to have high sexual capabilities (i.e., whom they thought would “be a great lover” and would provide them with “a positive sexual experience”).

Across multiple studies, perceived sexual capabilities of sexual proposers most strongly predicted acceptance of casual-sex offers among both women and men. … women accepted fewer casual-sex offers from men than vice versa because male proposers were perceived to have relatively poorer sexual capabilities.”

I’ve seen this play out in real life, and it makes a lot of sense: why would a woman sleep with a stranger when he’s guaranteed to climax and she probably won’t? Yet for whatever reason, the lasting narrative in our culture is one of sexually reluctant women who just want sex when it can lead to love.

Men get used for sex all the time — sometimes even when we don’t want to be. The truth about that is only starting to get noticed.


1 J January 31, 2013 at 2:37 pm

Hey man!
Nice to see more new posts coming up!
Quick question: Is there going to be a follow up on Tre’s guest post: “The Real Game (or How I Realized that Pickup Techniques are Bullshit), Part I”? I really liked where he was going with that!
Other than that – keep up the good work!

2 GK January 31, 2013 at 4:19 pm

Thanks J! Tre is super busy running a startup business these days so he’s had little time to write. But I agree his Part I was great and I’ll be sure to nag him for you. :)

3 J February 1, 2013 at 4:14 pm

Keep us busy until and afterwards! :)

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