We now bring you to the conclusion of Rob’s ironclad plan for a girlfriend. You can read Part I here.
Get a Girlfriend Game Plan: May – September
So you’ve got the basics covered, you can strike up a conversation at whim and even make it fun and interesting. People like you and they like being around you. You get phone numbers and dates. But where do you go from there? And there’s still no girlfriend in the picture, we can’t forget about that.
Here’s where I’m going to break away from my previous Rocky IV metaphor, because if I kept following it I would imply that after you train you should go out and fight the fight of your life that defines your boxing/dating career forever and ever (and no other sequel can match, ahem).
It just doesn’t happen that way. You probably won’t meet your future wife right now. There probably isn’t an epic date waiting to happen just yet. Instead, I’m pretty sure that you’ll find yourself going on date after date with a bunch of different girls. Some will be duds but some will be fun. Also do not, under any circumstances think that you have any obligation to date only one person at a time. Going on dates with multiple people will only make you a better date. Trust me, they will thank you for it later. Here are some things to think about:
1. Dating Logistics. Why are you even on a date? Maybe sex, maybe companionship in some general sense, maybe just boredom, who knows. My question is this: what kind of date are you? Do you know how to be a fun date? For me, it turns out I wasn’t. It’s embarrassing to admit it, but I have had at least two truly horrible dates that had all the potential in the world to be fun but instead turned out completely miserable because I was inexperienced and didn’t know any better.
So your next leg of training will probably involve learning how to plan and execute a good date. And at the beginning of this process expect to burn a few. Your first few dates will be learning experiences, so it might be a good idea to ask a girl that you’re not very interested in. I know that sounds horrible. But eventually you will learn how to plan a fun date, so think of the first few as a necessary step to meet your next girlfriend. I would love to go into detail about dating logistics, but that is a book unto itself. Call GK to get a time-tested game plan.
2. Money. You’ve got to be spending a fortune on all the dates, right? Well, if you’re doing it the old-fashioned way of taking a girl out for dinner or a movie then yes, you probably are dumping your paycheck out every week for a plate of lobster. Now is the time to learn that a better date involves meeting for drinks in the evening. You’ll learn to avoid dates where you just walk around a park or dates where you sit across from each other awkwardly at a coffee shop or dates where you sit silently next to each other at a movie and then go home alone.
3. Balance. When do you find time for all these dates? Should you take a date out on Friday or Saturday? What about weekdays and school nights? Your job is to figure out the answer to these questions based on your own schedule. But, like everything, here are some things to think about. Dates on the weekend have the advantage that neither of you have to wake up early for work the next day. The disadvantage is that they take away from your availability to go out with your friends and meet more women. If this is a concern, you can always schedule a date during the week. The major drawback from this is that there is an implied time limit the next day. At some point one or both of you have to wake up and go to work, and just having this thought in the back of your head might prevent you from enjoying yourself as much as you’d like to.
4. Flexibility.Have a backup plan in case a date sucks. Let’s say you set up a date with a girl you’ve recently met for Friday night at 9 p.m. You meet up with her at a wine bar and have a few drinks. But for some reason, things just don’t click. Your jokes just aren’t landing like they usually do. She’s not as fun as she seemed when you first met her. Maybe you’re a vegetarian and she’s wearing a Lady Gaga-esque meat dress.
Caught in a bad romance? Think about a backup plan.
Regardless, you both realize by 11 p.m. that it’s just not a good match. So you make up an excuse about how you have to drive a friend to the airport tomorrow and both politely exchange goodbyes with a promise to meet again soon while you both know that it will never happen again. You walk out of the bar and delete her number. She does the same. It’s 11:15, what do you do? It only takes one instance of this to happen until you learn to schedule a backup. Maybe it’s a backup date with another girl or maybe you just meet up with your friends at another bar to meet more girls. It’s not a difficult solution to implement, but make sure that you’ve thought about it and planned it beforehand so that you don’t waste time figuring out where to go next. There’s nothing that kills a vibe more than waiting around figuring out where to go next while the rest of the world is having a party.
Look at you. Just a few months ago you were sitting in front of your computer, staring at the screen, wondering how to get a girlfriend and now you are Mr. Super Date. You’re George Fucking Clooney.
So now you have to ask yourself, do you still want a girlfriend?
Caught you, didn’t I? Read on to the next section to find out more.
Get a Girlfriend Game Plan: October – December
To some people, it’s the season of holidays. But to those truly in the know, it’s Girlfriend Season. Girlfriend season lasts from Halloween through Valentine’s Day, at least here in the US. It’s the time of year when girls hate being alone. Of course after Valentine’s Day it is also the tradition to break up and start getting in shape for Spring Break. But that’s for another day.
So here you are, running your game like a machine. Months ago it was hard to get a date, now it’s easy peezy. A lot of guys find that they really enjoy just dating girls and having casual relationships. And that’s the way it should be. The big secret is that once you start looking for a relationship you’ve already kind of screwed up. Instead, the best thing you can do is figure out who you are and what you’re looking for in someone else. And since you’re going out on so many dates, if you happen to recognize those traits in someone, then it might be time to consider committing yourself to that girl.
Of course it’s not just that easy. There are some things to consider:
1. Sex before Relationship.Here is a rule to live by – sex happens before the relationship. You are not dating a girl if you have not had sex with her. She is not your girlfriend. You are not monogamous with each other. You are not exclusive. But what if there are special circumstances, like religion or some other moral or cultural code that keeps sex on the back burner? In those cases, I would say that there has to at least be sexual tension, the belief that sex could happen if you just pushed it a little.
2. She wants to be Exclusive. Be patient and let her decide that she wants to be exclusive with you. Let her bring up the subject. It’s much easier to agree to it than spend your time trying to convince someone to date you.
3. Do You Fit?I dated a girl for a few months before I met her friends at a house party. They were cool people, but just not my people. The relationship ended shortly thereafter because I think we realized that it just wasn’t a sustainable long-term thing. In another instance, I was casually seeing a girl for a month or so when she started to get serious. See point #2 above. So she started bringing her family around me, but I realized pretty quick that I didn’t like them and couldn’t see them fitting into my life or vice versa, so I ended it. Was it harsh? Maybe. But I like to think that it was better to end it at that point instead of building a relationship that I knew wasn’t going to last.
So will it take you a year to get a serious girlfriend? I don’t know for sure, but I doubt it. Chances are you will learn that the journey is the reward unto itself. And at that point you might decide that having a girlfriend isn’t what you want at all. But if you do still want a girlfriend, you can feel confident that all the work you’ve just done has landed you a girl who is really and truly someone you want to be with instead of just some placeholder girl that you picked up just so you’re not alone.
Next up I’ll write about a few things you can do right now to improve your lifestyle in 2011. But I have to be honest, I would love to know if anyone has or will implement any of these ideas. If you’ve ever gone through a period where you put in the work to make a personal change for the better I would like to hear about it in the comments.