So, presuming you’ve done the right things before getting to the club, as we’ve discussed in Part I, here are some tips on what to do when you’re there:
Lay the groundwork, and mingle early: If you’re a newbie, I strongly suggest getting to the club early, when the energy is lower and the music isn’t as ear-splitting. Before the madness starts, you can improve your logistics and your mood. Snag a couple of seats for later on, and chat up the staff or other clubbers to get them on your side. If you’ll be drinking, give the bartender a nice tip so he’ll take care of you later, when he’s getting swamped and you want to order shots with a girl.
I should also note that women are less likely to be approached early, when the alcohol factor is lower. So if you want to help yourself, you can meet several hot girls early, then excuse yourself. An hour later, when they’re dancing and fending off clueless guys, you’ll have a much easier approach on your hands.
If you’re not going to dance, you can still pick up: Personally, I think going to a dance club and not dancing is like going to the pool and not swimming, but to each their own. Some of my best wingmen can meet girls at clubs, and even leave with them, without approaching them on the dance floor.
The key is to park yourself in a high-traffic area, such as an entryway or the bar. But just as on the dance floor, commitment is crucial. If you don’t try to stop her, she’ll probably leave you in her dust. Also, you can look for girls sitting down, possibly taking a break between dances.
Still, even if you didn’t meet her on a dance floor, there’s a good chance she’ll want to go there. If so, it helps to know enough about dancing to keep her company for a little while until you can lead her off again.
The best dance technique is fun: There are a zillion dance instruction videos on Youtube, both by the pickup community and the non-pickup community. So you can look there for some demonstrations, or just watch the guys at the club who know what they’re doing. (I suppose I should have a video too, but those grainy guerrilla dance club videos aren’t my style, and I’m too poor to buy proper equipment.) Once I became comfortable dancing with strange women, I realized that the moves don’t matter so much as the energy and fun I’m having.
I’m not doing any specific kind of dance, and there’s little structure to it — I just freestyle it and incorporate everything I know, mixing sex appeal with goofiness. I’m still using the one salsa spin I learned 10 years ago, and if the song calls for it, I’ll break out the robot. For the greenest of green dancers, I suggest learning two things: staying within a song’s rhythm, and learning the step touch. I found a Youtube video here that demonstrates the latter, and even though it’s so basic it’s funny, it’s a good starting point. Dance from side to side with some rhythm, and you’re good enough to dance with a girl. Take some classes for a better understanding.
But seriously, if you want access to a lot more attractive women — at a place where most guys can’t approach them — learn a dance step or two. On the list of qualities women find attractive, it’s even higher than taking out the garbage.
If you’re going to be on a dance floor, you should dance: Do not, I repeat, do not be the guy who stands there with a drink in your hand, checking out chicks as they dance around you. I find a line of those guys in every club, and there’s a reason why it’s called Death Row.
Another dance-floor mistake to avoid: getting into a conversation with a girl. This isn’t happy hour — her focus is on dancing, and if you try conversing with her, she’s going to see you as a fun parasite, sucking her energy away. Keep the talk short until later.
Let her see you before you approach: Some guys like to approach a woman from behind before she even knows he’s there, but it’s not my style, and it creeps some girls out. If I see a girl I want to dance with, I’ll make solid eye contact as I dance closer to her.
You don’t need to make approach after approach on the dance floor, sweating it out. Just start dancing by yourself, or with a friend. I’ve got a 6-foot-5 wingman who is unusually smooth for his height, and the two of us are good at getting attention just by dancing on our own. We’re having so much fun that girls often will dance closer to us so we can easily approach them — many times I’ll turn around to see a girl looking at me, we’ll lock eyes, and before I know it we’re dancing. It’s the Tractor Beam Approach — we get pulled toward each other somehow. Keep an eye out for cougars — they’ll approach you flat out.
Watch out for dance circles: I find these girls are the toughest to approach — still worth it if you’ve got the hots for one of them, but even if she likes you, expect her friends to make it tougher for you with some “girls’ night out” alibi. Unless you’ve got the energy to take them all on and win them over, better to wait until they split up.
Do not just grind her: The girl already thinks you’re drunk — you don’t want her thinking you’re a needy perv, either. Although I’m quite physical on the dance floor, I build up to the serious grinding by keeping some tension.
Here’s an example of a sequence I’ll do: I’ll take her hand, twirl her, let her twirl me, dip her, pull her close, push her away, pull her back in, crouch to her knees while touching her then stand up by brushing up against her chest, dance apart from her some more, pretend to walk away from her, then take her hand and bring her close to me. The grinding comes amid all that, and more.
As for how to grind, I usually follow her rhythm if she’s a good dancer. Going side to side or in a circular motion with your hips will get it done.
Don’t go for the makeout too soon: Even if she reciprocates, you run the risk of being seen as just another horny club guy. Save the kissing for later and you’ll have a much better chance of keeping it going.
Get her off the dance floor to connect with her: One girl told me weeks later she was impressed when, after we’d been dancing for a while, I said something to the effect of, “Let’s take a break. I want to get to know you better.” If you want to close the deal with her, whether it’s making future plans or leaving the club with her, you will need to connect off the dance floor at some point, even if the attraction is mostly physical.
Don’t duel with any guys: I rarely run into the alpha-male issue, but when it happens, I don’t lose my cool. If a guy comes between me and the girl, I’ll be friendly with him without letting him take her away. If the girl isn’t committing enough to me — attention spans can be short in clubs — I’ll simply call it out and put the ball in her court. But getting hostile with a guy will only get you trouble.
Find out about her friends: I can’t beat the logistics drum enough, and here’s another example. Get her friends on your side if at all possible. Sometimes they’ll do everything they can to stop you, to the point where you’ll have to sneak her out of the club (with her consent, of course), and sometimes they’ll leave the two of you alone or drive you and the girl back to your place. I’ve experienced both extremes, but being friendly puts the odds in your favor.
If I had to guess what makes clubs scariest for guys, I wouldn’t say it’s the energy necessary — it’s the leadership. It’s not just a dancing thing — clubs do make leadership crucial throughout the night, and too many guys are unsure of how to do it. But leadership can be learned — it was for me, and I teach it now — and clubs offer an excitement and spontaneity that I’m hard-pressed to find anywhere else. So give ’em a chance. If nothing else, you’ll get some exercise.
If I left anything out, and I probably did, feel free to mention it in the comments. Here’s a little prize for you guys for reading all this.