I wanted to make sure I got Rob Overman’s thoughts on the pie chart of attraction I posted a day earlier, and the following is his cogent analysis. He offers a twist on my take, but the gist is the same:
“I’ve been thinking about this all day because it’s an interesting question. At one point you wrote an article saying that basically a person shouldn’t judge a girl as a 7 vs. a 10 but instead look at them as 1’s and zeros.
I think women do this naturally. Within 30 seconds of seeing (not meeting, just looking at him) I think most women will give a man a 1 or a zero. And we as guys do this too. Imagine you’re standing in line at Trader Joe’s and a chubby girl behind you makes a funny joke. Now even though I like her sense of humor and dig the fact that she also likes fresh calamari, there is no way that I would be able to get past the fact that she rocks a muffin top and has crinkles in her cankles.
I guess we are all Shallow Hal before Tony Robbins violates him in an elevator. Even if her vibe and personality made up 50% of her “dating score” I don’t see a way where it could make up for or cancel out my perceived unattraction for her. She would be a zero.
So if what I’ve said is true, then that would mean that the emphasis given to looks/physical appearance trumps a cool attitude or conversational skills. But is that true?
No, of course not. I think this of dozens of times where I wanted to spend time with a girl who was a 7 instead of a girl who was a 9 simply because I enjoyed spending time with her more, I liked her attitude better, I liked talking to her more, etc. But then where does that leave us? It seems like I’ve said that physical beauty is the winner over all and then I turned back around and said no it isn’t. What gives?
Well, the difference is that the 7 and the 9 are already 1’s. I have already decided that they are attractive enough for me to want to spend time and energy to get to know them.
Boom. Knowledge explosion.
The (harsh) truth as I see it is that we screen people based on their attractiveness first and then, if they pass the test, we bother to take into account their attitude and how well they can hold down a conversation. I would even throw in some hard-to-put-my-finger-on terms like “emotional depth” or “how well they fit into my life.”
But once you pass the physical attractiveness test I think attitude takes up more space on a percentage scale than conversational skills. So overall I think it’s like this:
Step 1: Physical traits/grooming: either 100% or 0%. If 100%, move on to the next step. If 0%, you’re done. Because you shouldn’t have to convince someone to date you.
Step 2: Vibe (body language, eye contact, overall confidence): 80% – 90%. Conversational skills: 10% – 20%”