Before I impart my answers from my post about how women test men, I’m going to give you a special treat. It’s a bonus lecture from my favorite guest professor, Rob Overman, about how he would handle those tests. So listen well:
The correct answer is E — make her laugh.
When a person isn’t committing to an interaction, it is because of one of three reasons:
1) She doesn’t like the way you look and no matter what you do or say she will not give you the time of day. Whoops! Tough luck, hombre. But don’t get all pissy and start talking about how unfair the world is or how mean women are. The truth is, we all do this. I judge people based on my first impression of them and so do you.
2) Even if she likes your look she could have some logistical roadblock that is preventing her from committing to you. Last night I watched the first episode of season two of Weeds. In it, Nancy Botwin, a housewife-turned drug dealer unknowingly sleeps with a DEA agent. Once she realizes how dangerous this is, does she calmly and rationally explain to him how a relationship with him, no matter how casual, with him would put her in a precarious situation?
Fuck no. She calls him up and lies, saying that she is too afraid to be with someone with such a dangerous job who could be killed. Of course the DEA agent tries to get her back, but she keeps eluding him because he doesn’t know that she has logistical problems that have nothing to do with her attraction to him that prevent her from being in a relationship with a narc.
When it comes to dating. we all have things going on in our lives that either speed up or slow down our chances of meeting someone. So even though your girl isn’t necessarily a drug dealer and you aren’t a DEA agent, maybe there is still some unsaid barrier that prevents her from talking to you. Maybe she has a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or strict parents or maybe she’s just inexperienced and doesn’t know how to talk to guys. Once you recognize that logistics are maybe 90 percent of pickup, you’ll learn that there are ways around them.
3) She’s legitimately too busy and knows it.
So anyways, you’re with this girl in the park and she has those round, Nicole Richie-esque sunglasses on that cover 80 percent of her face and, even worse, she hasn’t taken her earbuds out. How the hell do you know where you stand? Well, before you can think about getting a girl’s honest logistics, she has to be committed to talking to you. So let’s get those earbuds out.
Remember, communication is like 80 percent what you do and 15 percent how you do it and 5 percent how big your shoes are. Or something. The point is, don’t try talking your way out of what you can ACT your way out of. So let’s DO something instead of saying something. Look at her, nod your chin like you want her to pay attention, then put your hand up to your own ears and make a motion like you’re taking your own earbuds out. She will follow suit and take her earbuds out.
Now you’re got some commitment so don’t waste it. Tell her a corny joke, “Hey, do you want to hear a bad joke?” She will say yes. Then you smile and say, “Why didn’t the butterfly go to the party?” She won’t know. Tell her, “Because it was a MOTHball!”
It’s stupid, the equivalent of a fart joke, but people laugh at fart jokes because they are universally understood; they’re relatable. Anyway, she’ll laugh a little bit so follow it up with another one.
“Why was the strawberry upset?” Wait a little bit. “Because he was in a jam!”
So the girl is laughing a little, and that’s all you need. All you need is a REASON to escalate a little bit. Remember back in the day we talked all the time, over and over again about justifiable escalation? Like, you can’t escalate for no reason. You can’t just tell people you like them or like talking to them because they won’t understand what you get from it. Because altruism (doing something good just for the sake of good, itself) doesn’t exist and people only do things when they get something from it.
So your girl has laughed a little bit, and that’s all you need to escalate.
Say, “Hey, I like you because you laugh at my bad jokes, and that’s important to me because I always thought I was funny, but it’s even better coming from someone else. You just boosted my ego a little bit.” And smile like you’re having fun.
She’ll smile back. Then say, “I like talking to you, you make me smile, but I can’t even really see you because your sunglasses are huge. Take them off for five minutes, and then I have to go.” That’s called a time constraint. Not necessarily a false time constraint because maybe you really do need to go, but it serves its purpose so that she knows you won’t be hanging around all day. Always remember that logistics are playing out in the background.
So the obvious answer is B, right? Act like a gentleman with some high self-esteem and of course you will get the girl. And that’s true. Gentlemen with high self-esteem do get girls. But sometimes the gentleman is too nice for his own good. There’s a story I’ve told often about how I met a girl who was with a drunk friend. My girl and I hit it off really well, but her friend was stupid drunk and my girl had to take her home instead of hanging out with me. We exchanged phone numbers and since the interest was so high I thought No problem, I’ll definitely see her again.
But schedules don’t always work out like that. Either I was busy or she was out of town. Something kept getting in the way. It looked like the only way I was going to see her was to break social conventions and just show up. Keep in mind, this is not something you should do for just anyone, but in this case I thought why not.
And it worked out. I called her up to make sure she was home and then just showed up at her apartment. Happy endings and all of that.
But that scenario would not have been possible if I only had her work number or e-mail. And that’s why you shouldn’t just settle for a business card.
Luckily, most women are smart enough to not hand out business cards to a potential lover, but if you happen to meet a girl who has a stack of business cards in her purse do this: take the business card and say “What’s your cell-phone number?”
She’ll tell you her number and you punch it into your phone and then call it so that she has your number. That’s it. When you get home, toss her business card in the trash, as you won’t need it anymore.
Why do we guys get so defensive about paying for dinner? Have any of you REALLY had such a bad experience where a girl just used you for a free meal? I haven’t, and most girls won’t do that. They just want to go out on a date with you, so don’t misread the situation and get defensive.
Whether you go for dinner or just for drinks, your REAL concern should be on the venue. Pick a place that’s private, where just you and her can sit, alone, and get flirty. My worst first-date experience happened because of bad planning on my part. I took this girl to one of my fave restaurants. Unfortunately, I didn’t make a specific reservation and, in NYC with its “pack-it-to-the-max” mentality, we ended up in some cramped table for two about 4 inches away from two other couples on each side. There was no such thing as a private conversation because everything we said was easily overheard by the people to my left or right.
Compare that to when I did it right. I found a Thai place in the Village that was very affordable and also very dark and private. Plenty of booths where my date and I could sit back and get to know each other in private over a simple meal. As a bonus, since it was in a great neighborhood, it was an easy across-the-street walk to a chill bar where we could get tipsy and vibe all night. I know I keep going back to it over and over again, but always keep logistics in the back of your mind.
Start taking off your clothes.
Ok, maybe not right away. I mean, don’t do anything that’s weird or doesn’t fit the moment, but, at the same time, don’t be afraid to push the boundaries. The best thing to do is say “No” with your mouth while your body says “Yes.”
Whatever you do, don’t try to “explain” your way in there.
Arghhh, who cares if she has to take her friend home? Tell her (don’t offer or ask) that you’re going to walk her home too. Get in there, be bold, as Eastside Mike would say. Just tell her that you’re going to walk her home and smile, then sit back and enjoy the ride.