The smart way to pick up a bartender

by GK on September 2, 2010 · 1 comment

I’ve never been into the whole hired-gun game. Nothing against the sexy bartenders/waitresses/Comic Con models of the world, but I haven’t felt the urge to pursue any of them. Especially if they work every night (those nights should be reserved for GK!). But I have been witness to a fun demonstration on how to do it, and I thought I’d pass it along to you.

I’ve been hanging out with my good friend Tre Tre for drinks once a week — it’s sort of our Man Date, where meeting girls isn’t a big priority — and lately, our first stop has been the same tucked-away cocktail bar that we both love. We can count on three things when we go there on Wednesdays: the bar will be empty, the martinis will be strong and cheap, and the woman making those martinis will be the same cute, frisky blonde wearing a wedding ring — only we’ve had the sense she might not be married. 

Tre Tre has been playing Runaway Game (© Rob Overman) while he’s on the outs with his girlfriend, so he didn’t try to hit on our girl when we started visiting her regularly about two months ago. But the biggest flaw with runaway game is that if you don’t outrun her, it can make the sexual tension stronger, and lately I’ve felt like the third wheel while watching those two in action. He hasn’t gone for the close because the timing is bad for him — and we really like the bar and its staff — but we think it’s there whenever he wants it.

Anyway, here are some pointers after observing our slow-motion seduction:

Don’t think of them as hired guns: They’re just women like all the others, trust me. Yes, the logistics involved are different, but don’t buy the hype about having to run some fancy-schmancy tricks on them. All Tre Tre did with our bartender was do what he does best: make fun conversation. Didn’t matter if it was about music, movies or travel. And it was easy to include her in that conversation because …

Go when the venue is dead: Women don’t have infinite time for chit-chat when they’re working. Unless, of course, they have nothing to do, which is often the case with our bar because there’s almost no one else when we walk in. So Cute Bartender is actually happy to see us, and we have lots of time to talk. As always, remember logistics.

Be a regular before you go for the close:  You won’t always have this option — perhaps the venue is out of your way — but do it if you can. Especially in a bar, where the bartender or waitress might presume you’re a drunken buffoon like all the others who tried hitting on her.

Tre Tre has kept the conversation friendly, but a little more flirtatious each time we’ve gone. Now she’s so comfortable with us, she’s asking for our opinions on why people like anal sex. That’s when you know it’s safe to escalate things.

And it wasn’t until last night that Tre Tre finally asked about her ring. It turns out she is married, but she’s also separated and tentatively starting to date again. Which means Tre Tre was smart to wait, and the ring is probably a diversionary tactic against men. Kind of like the one Dr. Faye is using in “Mad Men.” 

This was also the first time Cute Bartender asked us about our dating situations. Now she knows that she and Tre Tre are at similar ends of their relationships — a common bond that I’m sure they could spend a while discussing over drinks. It’s a bond that wouldn’t have existed had he tried getting her number on the first visit.

Don’t drunkenly take home diner waitresses named Doris and wake up next to them not knowing who they are: Seriously, Don Draper? After all the progress you seemed to be making in the prior episode? If you blow it with Dr. Faye, you’re in big trouble, buddy.

{ 1 comment }

1 Men Pick up Lines September 3, 2010 at 10:49 am

This is a really well laid out strategy. I have picked up bartenders before, but I never really thought of the information you had presented here. The nice thing is that bartenders have quite literally heard it all before, so it is more comfortable to talk to them.

Comments on this entry are closed.