This site is the closest thing to an approach-anxiety cure I’ve found

by GK on November 16, 2013 · 3 comments

Stickk goals

Why, hello there! It’s been a while. I’ll skip the usual excuses about being busy with work, yada yada, and give one bonus excuse for not blogging. Rob and I back are back to working on the Logistics Book, and we intend to have it ready by early next year. To the random guy I met in a bar who shamed me for not writing the book sooner, you win.

In the next few days I plan to release a portion of the book on this blog just to give you a sneak peek. So keep your eyes peeled for that.

For now, I’m going to give some props to a website that exercises the best technique I know of for curing approach anxiety: It creates real consequences for sitting on your ass.

The site is called Stickk. It hardly has a fancy design or UI, but perhaps it’s better that way. The focus is on getting things done — or else. Fail to achieve your goal, and you’re going to pay through your wallet, possibly to charitable causes you don’t like.

You can choose any goal you want: Hitting the gym every day, eating better food, etc. But what I and some friends have done is transfer this into the social realm and see if Stickk gave us a little extra push in taking risks with women. Sure enough, it did.

We each took different approaches with our goals. One friend set the goal of completing the 30-day challenge from Simple Pickup, another sought out to approach one girl per day, and in my case, I set the goal of taking one risk per day. About half the time, I wanted that risk to involve women.

For the truly stubborn, Stickk gives you the choice of paying real money if you fail. You set the dollar amount, as well as who gets your money. The recipient can be a person, or a charity you either like or don’t like. Examples are Republican and Democratic groups, pro- and anti-gun control groups, and pro- and  anti-gay-marriage groups.

To help keep you honest, you can enlist a friend (or enemy) to be your referee, which gives him the final call on whether you achieved your goal.

It’s one thing to walk home in silent shame after chickening out and not approaching a hot girl. It’s another thing to know you’re going to have to pay your rent money to a cause you despise. Granted, this can create a little too much pressure for some people, but for most of us, raising the stakes helps us focus on doing, rather than on what the outcome will be. Stickk and other goal-setting programs like it are showing a great understanding of psychology.

This is probably why so many guys paid large sums of money for bootcamps like mine — even if they weren’t going to learn anything groundbreaking, they had enough financial and physical pressure (me pushing them to approach) that they were almost guaranteed to do more than they were doing. I take at least a little credit for their results — I was pretty bad-ass, after all — but this basic fact wasn’t lost on me.

As for the Stickk challenges that my friends and I have taken this year, we’ve passed them all, in some cases with big money at stake. The one month I took my challenge happened to be my most active month with women all year. And I find the extra pressure to be fun and keeps me from being bored when I’m out — pressure and purpose go hand in hand. My favorite risk wasn’t approaching a girl, but something else: taking my birthday cake alone to a bar and offering it to everyone there.

Perhaps for my next Stickk challenge, I’ll pick finishing that book. Want to be my referee?



1 Anonymous November 19, 2013 at 8:46 pm

I am really excited about that book on logistics. Thanks to you and Rob.

2 Leny November 23, 2013 at 11:52 am

What’s the “30-day challenge from Simple Pickup?” Where can I find it online?

3 GK November 23, 2013 at 6:07 pm

You can find the 30 day challenge here:

Basically, they give you a different social challenge every day, with explanation and video demonstrations. I see that the price is now $399, which is a lot more than I remember it being.

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