Unleash your inner sexual animal … or something

by GK on September 25, 2009 · 6 comments

Whew! Trying to juggle three jobs, a screenplay, a blog and a social life is giving me a triathlon-sized workout, but I wanted to make at least one sermon this week.

Maybe it’s my news background, but I like to write only about topics that are current to me. And for some reason, I’ve had the same talk about physical escalation with a handful of guys recently. So that’s what I’m going to cover.

These guys have all been meeting or dating women but not been sexual with them. They’re not looking at them sexually, touching them sexually, or talking about sex. As a result, they aren’t having sex, and they’re losing the girl. I was no math major in college, but I see the equation there.

From what I witness, the reasons why guys are not sexual with women usually revolve around these rationales. They don’t want to be creepy or sleazy. They want to be gentlemen. They see her as girlfriend material, so they don’t want to make it all about sex.

These are all valid concerns, and an uncalibrated guy can indeed botch it up by being too sexual. But in trying so hard not to come off as a certain kind of guy, these men are presenting themselves as something else that they are not: asexual. They are neutering themselves and their desires, which is as sexy to a woman as a man who never doubles down in blackjack.

The irony is this: if you are not sexual with a woman yet are making romantic gestures such as buying her dinner,  trying to see a lot of her, or holding her hand for prolonged periods, that is much likelier to creep her out. It’s like you’re anointing yourself her boyfriend before the first kiss, and it doesn’t make sense. During my Dark Ages with women, I brought them Tootsie Rolls to class every day, took them to Disneyland or played songs for them, yet I never let them know what my direct intentions were or made a move on them. Not surprisingly, they all distanced themselves from me.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but if you see a woman as classy or girlfriend material, that only makes it more imperative that you don’t come off as relationshippy. I assure you, there’s a good chance that with the right guy, that classy woman is a depraved sex goddess who wants to be lusted after. There’s no debate in my mind — sex comes before love, and a woman wants to end up with a sexual man. 

So don’t insult her and yourself by sending a false image of yourself. Speaking of doubling down, the great Vince Vaughn makes my point in “Swingers,” where he advises Mikey not to talk about puppy dogs and ice cream. Among his many golden lines about women: “Respect, my ass. What they respect is honesty.”

Another line I love is from my favorite current TV show, “Mad Men.” It’s from the pilot episode, and it’s spoken by Ken Cosgrove: “You’ve got to let them know what kind of guy you are. Then they’ll know what kind of girl to be.”

This is so true. That seemingly conservative woman may only be conservative because she’s following your lead. If you play it safe and not double down, why should she reveal herself? On the other hand, if you just let her see that she is turning you on, don’t be surprised if she gets a lot friskier.

As an instructor I’ve helped a couple of late-in-life virgins trade in their V cards quickly, and you probably know my story by now. As tough as it seemed during my struggles, the line between getting the girl and not getting her is actually very thin. It came down to having the guts to take a chance, and when I began to do that, the rewards — including the relationships — became great.


1 Ghoro September 26, 2009 at 10:08 am

I know that I am not sexual, but I have no idea how to be sexual. I don’t know how long it would be to answer, but how do you go about being sexual? Or did you already answer this in another blog?

2 GK September 26, 2009 at 8:31 pm

There are all kinds of ways to be sexual, and different guys are good at different ways. It’s a matter of knowing how best to express yourself your way — be it verbally, how you look at her or how you touch her. The bottom line is, she has to see that you’re at least considering getting her in bed.

3 Beider September 28, 2009 at 1:08 am

Personally I have been practising this lately, what seems to work for me is to give her bedroom eyes and a fair bit of sexual innuendo. I found it a great help when starting to be sexual to just try to think sexual innuendo all the time, combined with bedroom eyes women seem to pick up on it quite fast. I have yet to get a bad reaction from it.

Even though I might not have ended in bed with every girl I did get other interesting results, my most fun one was hearing “I love the way you look at me, it makes me feel so sexy”.

4 andy September 28, 2009 at 2:34 am

you are so right. you have to lead and you have to be sexuell.
saturday i was out, and i met a girl. its the third time meeting her. but i was never really sexuell. now i made out heavily ( i am not a natural speaker. so sorry if my english sucks 😉 )
at the moment i am reading my secret garden and from david shade the secrets of female sexuality.
i like your blog, it helped me very much, if i would live in your country i would visit a bootcamp wiht you.. but, what a pitty.. , i am from good old germany..
i hope it will be a jm bootcamp in germany some times..

5 GK September 28, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Thanks a lot, Andy, and I hope you keep reading. We did have a German instructor recently, but not at the moment. We’re looking to hire a new one, though.

6 dR November 6, 2009 at 2:22 am

Great post, Pimp-o-potamus. i liked it alot.
Life = risk=sex
i like that equation.
reminds me of the tag line from braveheart:
Every man dies, not every man really lives.

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