Why Dirk thought pickup techniques are bullshit

by GK on February 11, 2013 · 2 comments

I’m fortunate to have had good friends who really understand seduction. They save me time with posts like this.

If you haven’t read the second part of Tre Tre’s piece on why pickup techniques are bullshit, read it now. It’s really damned good. There were some valid counterarguments in the comments section, and Tre responds to those, too.

I’ve written about my disdain for technique in the past — my post on the White Stripes and imperfection comes to mind — but not recently. I spent the day at work gathering my own thoughts, and then I remembered an old friend from my Charisma Arts days: Dirk Manley.

Just before he was killed two years ago, Dirk wrote a post on this very subject called, “Why the Community is Wrong.” He said it better than I would have: that the problem isn’t whether the one-size-fits-all, universal techniques sold by seduction gurus work. Of course they can work.

“However,” Dirk said, “I think any company promoting how to make yourself “more attractive” or to “get ANY girl” still suffers from the same problems. The same problems being that women are all the same and react the same to the same things. To me, that is bullshit.”

So your average PUA guru would stop me here and say, “Dude! You’re just not using the material the right way. You need to keep practicing to get it right.”

And for my response, I’ll once again refer you to my friend Dirk:

Likewise, the only way you can get ANY girl you want is by assuming she is a video game, and if you press the right combination of buttons, you’ll get the reaction you want.

Again, bullshit. And when you read those messages like that, you realize why it is bullshit.

The techniques take us not only out of the moment, as Tre has said, but also out of our personalities. They turn women into a focus group where they’re always right and guys are trying to guess what they want. They try to convince us that if a girl rejected us, we fucked up and we need to learn the right maneuver to get her.

And now it’s my turn to say, bullshit.

Being rejected is among the best results that can happen to a guy. It can save him a lot of time and money, allowing him to meet girls who do laugh at his dirty jokes or find vintage Transformers cool (seriously, they exist).

I think about NBA player Rasheed Wallace, and his famous quote, “Ball don’t lie.” The same concept applies to women and rejection: Girl Don’t Lie. She’s either into you or she’s not. There’s not much benefit in depending on game to change her mind.

I also think about the slick, complex, shit-test-conquering field reports I used to read and try to emulate as a beginner, and in retrospect those guys sounded like contestants in the Hunger Games. Seduction might be challenging at times, but usually it should be easy and fun. It has been for me, at least.

Now, as Dirk says, it is possible for a guy to shape-shift his personality and try to find different punch-kick combinations to seduce different types of girls. Some guys get off on that, and they do it well. I am unattracted to most Marina girls, as they are unattracted to me. Yet Community guys in San Francisco chase them the most because Marina girls are considered to have the highest value, and some of those guys succeed. Good on them.

But I don’t want to alter my personality, and neither did most of the guys I coached. So I found that the less material I taught as an instructor — in some cases not teaching anything — the more confident they were and the less they chased girls away. It’s because they were able to let out their true selves, which was way more attractive than following some script.

Dirk’s death was a grim reminder about how short life is, and I learned years ago that I didn’t want to spend it as a homogenized pickup artist. Screw that. With the women I get and the women I lose, I do it on my terms. I hope guys who are new to this understand that they can do the same.

{ 2 comments }

1 scn March 27, 2013 at 8:07 am

This is true but leaves the reader saying, “Uh, so how do I get girls then?” Most guys understand just being the same person they’ve always been doesn’t get girls. It’s why they’re trying to learn pickup techniques.

I would draw an important distinction between yourself and how you market yourself. Leave yourself alone. Vigorously work on improving presentation.

Your chosen values and views are yourself. Don’t change them. You’ll come across as a poser to most and be sniffed out in short order by the rest. PUAs burn through girls within days. Besides, what’s the profit in duping a girl into liking a fake character. That can’t be satisfying.

If you want a few nights of casual sex with a hot girl under the illusion she likes you, quality call girls are an easier option than trying to game a nightclub. If you want a few nights of casual sex with a hot girl who actually likes you, you are going to have to be real about it.

Intimacy breeds attraction. Identical values not required. A girl doesn’t have to find vintage Transformers cool to like you if she’s made aware of and likes your deeper qualities. Genuineness, for example, compels all by itself.

I agree girls don’t lie, but like all humans they snap judge on surface information. Our efforts should be to quickly get beyond that. Even the hottest girl at the club secretly yearns to be known for who she really is. Mix that with fun, and you have something powerful.

Just going about your life being yourself isn’t enough. Most girls will not give you a second look. How you present yourself to the world almost certainly needs an overhaul and then ongoing improvement. There is an art to engaging people into discovering the real you. Therein lies seduction and a healthy endeavor for study, practice, and growth.

2 GK March 28, 2013 at 5:57 pm

These are all great thoughts scn, thanks for providing them. “Be yourself,” certainly doesn’t tell the whole story. Regarding presentation, there are some “advanced” concepts out there such as not revealing too much too soon about yourself. But really, if the average frustrated guy simply added some balls and some leadership to his repertoire, that would guarantee him much better results.

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